THE ART OF FINISHING FIVE-AND-TWO BY MANASCREW

or

ONE MATCH SHY, OH WATCH ME FRY

So feeling horrible and possibly nursing a fever, I decided to stickto my guns and play in the New York PTQ. Come on already, I have gotto be due at this point, right?

I decide on a u/R/W deck that is nothing spectacular. I have some goodblue, including a Breezekeeper, Sandbar Crocodile, and Ray of Command;a couple of red flankers and flyers and a Fireblast, and some decent whiteincluding the almighty Parapet. Even though I had strong green (includingtwo of my favorite cards, Granger Guildmage and Rampant Growth) and verystrong black (3 removal and a Catacomb Dragon) I skipped them because mygreen guys weren't that big, and black is a 5th-choice color unless youhave mad 2/1 flyers, Nekrataal, etc.

The highlight of my deck construction process was getting a warningbecause the idiot who registered my deck didn't mark Kukemsa Serpent, agreat sealed deck card, but Kukemsa Pirates, a joke sealed deck card. Igot a plains that had Kukemsa Pirates written across the top. Hooray. Onto the matches...

ROUND ONE

I am paired with another guy named Mike, who informs me that he is aRochester player who works with our current US Champion. La la la.

Game 1:

I am manascrewed to begin with and take a pounding, but I get out afew little guys of my own. The game goes for several minutes, and neitherof us has yet declared a block. Mike is at 8 and I am at 6. He has an untappedShadow Guildmage to block, and I have 2 power-2 creatures so I will likelylose. I draw Talruum Minotaur. Sweet. I attack for 7, and he of courseblocks the Minotaur, bringing him to 4. I Fireblast. Cool. (Hot, actually!)

Game 2:

I get a perfect mana distribution, tapping out on each turn, alwayslaying a land. I Pacify his first creature, and do damage with a slew ofdangerous weenies. I Fireblast his Minotaur, etc. He never has a chance.

Match 1-0.

Wandering around, I am always second-guessing my deck, and I reallydon't like it that much. To anyone who asks me how it is I say "It'sno 'Pile of Bitches..."

ROUND TWO

I am matched with Andrew, who has big creatures.

Game 1:

Andrew opens up with a Sewer Rats and hits me for a motherload. Theonly problem with that is that he does half my work for me. I eventuallyget out Parapet and a bunch of first strike flyers so he sits there doingnothing while I take control of the board. Ah black. Why do people playblack?

Game 2:

I draw a zillion land and do nothing. Andrew gets out a Panther Warriors.I get out my Teferi's Honor Guard. I block and phase. I attack and playa Sandbar Crocodile. Andrew Kaervek's Purges it! Argh! He hits for 6 more!I am at 8 from one turn's attack. I attack again and lay my Talruum Champion.He Cinder Clouds it! I take another 6. I leave a guy up to block and geta Talruum Minotaur up and attack. He goes down to like 11. I Ray of Commandhis Panthers and do 11 to him the next turn. Whew. Andrew's deck was aclassic case of good cards and not enough creatures. Ta-ta.

Match 2-0.

ROUND THREE

I am put at (lucky) table 13. I am matched with Al. He seems a niceenough guy at first, but flashes a huge and horrible attitude when I table-shufflehis deck. I mean he really gets up-in-arms. I start yelling at him thatI am *allowed* to a. shuffle his deck, and b. count his library. Whatever.Game 1: I beat him down because my deck is better than his. I table-shufflehis deck again and he gets so pissed. I don't do it to piss himoff, but he is really getting on my nerves at this point.

Game 2:

He makes some awful mistakes, and just doesn't deserve to win. He sacrifices2 Mountains to Fireblast my Wildfire, but I have Parapet up. Come on. Hehad previously Mind Harnessed my Viashino Warrior, so I had to block itnonetheless. I just drew no creatures this game, and I knew I had the betterdeck, he wasn't that strong, etc. I seriously consider sideboarding outmy red for my black, which is also pretty good. I decide against it, though.Al implores me not to table-shuffle, so I let it go. Blah.

Game 3:

Explain to me how I lost. Al has 3 life, and only has 3 life becausehe Shadowbaned some damage from the previous turn. To supplement his 3life, he has a Wall of Resistance with my Pacifism on it. I have 2 Flyers,a Talruum Minotaur, and some flank knights. I have 14 life. Al draws, playsa land, Incinerates me, Torches me for 7, and Fireblasts me. Wow. He issuch a good player.

Obviously I am livid. I hate outplaying an opponent only losing to amediocre player with great cards. Mind Harness too.

Crap.

Match 2-1.

There is such a big difference between 2-1 and 3-0. At 3-0, youare already looking forward to your intentional draws. At 2-1, you knowyou have to play all day. So I am stuck in the losers' bracket. I suck.

ROUND FOUR

I am paired with Pedro, a junior who appears new to the game.

Game 1:

I am manascrewed and have to discard. I can analyze Pedro's game, though.He isn't playing with enough land. He has dropped enough to play 3 flankers,but he isn't getting any more. Newbies. I get out a flanker of my own anda Noble Elephant. That is it for Pedro. My Parapet and Darts finish himoff.

Game 2:

The Parapet does it again. Pedro keeps forgetting it is there, and losesa ton of guys to mine for free. Oh well, free win.

Match 3-1.

ROUND FIVE

I am paired with Andy, whose deck is like 49 cards. The weird thingis, it is all great stuff. Two Undos, more power blue, huge green creatures.Game 1: Andy's deck is a bit too slow, and I beat him down.

Game 2:

I get Undone more than once, my hand keeps filling while my mana doesn't,and he picks away at me with some good creatures. I don't think I touchedhim this game.

Game 3:

Andy never sees a second blue mana for the two Undos he is holding...That's what you get for 49 cards, I guess. I get a decent draw and controlthe whole game with flyers. He says he could have attacked with his PygmyHippo, used my mana for the Undos, and taken like 2 burn. I show him theFireblast that would have killed him if he had done that.

Match 4-1.

ROUND SIX

I am again put at table 13, and Al, my vanquisher at that table is sittingacross from me. Although I am pretty sure I can beat him in the returnmatch, we of course call a judge for new enemies. Brian Schneider has thebad luck of facing me. This was stupid for both of us. Brian had alreadyused the intentional draw, and was 5-0, or 5-0-1 with the draw that wasremoved. He didn't want to play me, I would obviously have rather playeda fellow scrub 4-1 than another strong player. Blah.

Anyway, my hardcore manascrews hit me for the first real times of thetournament. Games one and two. I just discard stuff while Breezekeepersand Waterspout Djinns and Parapets get shoved down my throat. Over thecourse of the match, Brian takes 2 total damage -- from his Wand of Denial!Whatever. I don't mind losing to another good player, but I never had achance. Since he will now automatically make the finals at 6-0, Brian decidesto play the last round. I decide to play as well, because I have nothingelse to do.

ROUND SEVEN

I am paired with Casey, a junior. Another junior sitting next to himtells Casey that he will lose, because I am so good. At that point, I amjust annoyed by the false flattery. Casey starts in on me that I can'tbe a good player because I have 2 losses, etc. Stupid juniors. Anyway,Casey has yet to master the art of shuffling his deck, and he shows mehis Torch, Firestorm Hellkite, and whatnot. He has awesome cards. I say"You have a pretty good deck." He threatens to get me thrownout because I am cheating. I inform him that if he shuffles with his cardsdirectly in my face, I have very little option as whether or not to seethem. He says "Oh."

Game 1:

This match apparently means something to Casey, in terms of winning,because he "forgets" to mark some damage from my Darts. I callthe judge, because he should be dead to my Sandbar. Big Tony instead givesboth of us a warning and sides with Casey! Whatever. I kill him two turnslater anyway.

Game 2:

Casey has fantastic cards, Torch, Incinerate, Firestorm Hellkite, Ovinomancer...I make the cool play of the day and Ray of Command his Ovinomancer andforce it to commit suicide. I get a sheep token. Hooray! Card economy!I give him the firm beatdown. Anyway, after the match, I tell him he shouldn'tbe playing black. He has a Drain Life, Death Watch, and two Tar Pit Warriorsas his rationale. Come on... He could have been playing 2 Panther Warriors,a Jungle Wurm, a Granger Guildmage, a Stalking Tiger, and a (da bomb) GiantMantis. You decide.

So I, the master of finishing 1 shy of the cutoff miss the round of8 yet again. I get 2 warnings on the day for things that weren't even myfault, and both hurt me. All-in-all a good day. Ha! Anyway, I am almostready to buy Wakefield's theory about sealed deck. I lost to a mediocreplayer with a million burn spells, and a comparable player because I wasmanascrewed. If even one of those things didn't occur... The bottom lineis that luck plays a key factor in sealed even more than in constructeddeck. How can we deny that? I didn't wait around for the finals, so don'task. My picks though, are Brian Schneider, a very nice kid, albeit my vanquisher,who was 7-0 through the Swiss, and Dave Price, a king of qualifiers. Bothplayers are pretty due.

In case anyone is interested in the specifics of "Not Quite the'Pile of Bitches," here they are... (wow, Mike Flores actually postinga deck listing!)

1 Telim 'Tor's Darts

1 Breezekeeper
1 Man-o-War
1 Ray of Command
1 Sandbar Crocodile

1 Crimson Roc
1 Dwarven Vigilantes
1 Fireblast
1 Flare
1 Searing Spear Askari
1 Spitting Drake  
1 Suq'Ata Lancer
1 Talruum Champion
1 Talruum Minotaur
1 Viashino Warrior
1 Wildfire Emissary

1 Ekundu Griffin
1 Gossamer Chains
1 Knight of Valor
1 Noble Elephant
1 Pacifism
1 Parapet
1 Sun Clasp
1 Teferi's Honor Guard

5 Island
7 Mountain
6 Plains

I had a Femeref Knights, an Impulse, an Inspiration, a Dream Cache,a Dissipate, and a Leering Gargoyle too... I didn't think any of them justifiedbeing switched in for what I was playing with though...

anyway,

Mike Flores