Subject: More Beyond Dominia Impulses! From: Sean McKeown To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com First off, let me get one thing off of my chest: BAAAAAAAAAAAA! :o) How the multitudes of personalities at Beyond Dominia Magazine and its BBS's/chatroom cast The Best Card In Magic... {Arrogantly} Revised Version! Seth Burn, aka 'SethyB': Throw together a pile of cards to take to Regionals/Nationals/PT xxx. Cast Impulse, and not know what card to take because we still don't know what makes The Pile work. Go 42-0 in playtesting anyway. Take the Desertion and beat down Sligh players with their own Mogg Fanatic. Laugh that you finished your match vs. Sligh faster than the Sligh vs. Sligh match next to you _AND_ you didn't lose. Sean McKeown, aka 'Gandalf': Cast Impulse. Take one of the four lands. Sigh. Go 5-2 anyway, no matter what the format or what the tournament is for.. or even who you're playing.. to finish in 13th place and get absolutely nothing for it. Go home, whine about it on Beyond Dominia, and write an arrogant tournament report about how you should have kicked ass at the tournament to be posted on the Dojo. Flirt with Mary. Play target scrub in apprentice. Laugh at Cup and Thrakkiss. Wake up at 3 AM and realize what you could have done to win that match. Sigh again. Aaron Benanav, aka 'SpaceCows': Cast Impulse, choose the card that Player Z on the Dojo told you is the real key to the Dojo Deck you're playing at the moment. Lose in the Junior Super Series with the 'ultimate metagame deck', Prospobloom. Hang out with Gandalf, who also lost at the JSS with prospobloom. Innate Mak, aka 'The Guy With The Really Long Name', aka 'Mr. Maintainer': Cast Impulse. Disappear for three months while leaving the Beyond Dominia BBS's unmaintained. Delete 3,000 emails asking for the mills to be updated. Choose one of the four cards at random. Jacob Krejci, aka 'Cup': Cast Impulse. Mentally shudder about how bad the deck is if you can draw four useless, crappy cards off an Impulse, and whine about how much of a scrub you are. Take the card that looks sharpest, you'll probably try to slit your wrists with it by the end of the game. Whine about how much your life sucks until the opponent concedes or the judge ejects you for stalling. Go to BD Chat and continue whining until somebody cares. John Brouillet, aka 'Thrakkiss': Cast Impulse, while wondering how that card got into his deck.. Make opponent look away while tapping mana to cast the Impulse. Draw four L5R cards, then draw new art for the Impulse. Sketch the opponent while he's beating the crap out of you with some deck nobody ever thought would work. Bitch -&- Moan on ICQ and BD Chat until Gandalf shows up, at which point you Snap Into Him Like A Slim-Jim!!! Jacob Montanez, aka 'Elrohir', aka....: Cast Impulse. Stop playing Magic when none of the four cards are Atogs. Lurk in BD Chat until the opponent concedes. Mary T. Van Tyne, aka 'Livonya', aka 'Siran Drauka': Cast Impulse, keeping all four cards. Cast the same Impulse again, for no mana, again keeping the four cards. Win the game because the guy you're playing has become your total minion within the course of one game. Flirt with any guy willing to give you his soul. Flirt with Gandalf and Elrohir on BD Chat and ICQ. Flirt with... Well, you get the idea :o) Brian Good, aka 'Paladin': Cast Impulse, taking one of the four direct damage spells. You can actually play Impulse in your Sligh deck because you don't own any Cursed Scrolls. Joel Moyer, aka 'Sage Advisor': Cast Sage Owl. Muse about how casting a single Sage Owl greatly increases your deck's DER, or Deck Efficiency Rating, putting it nearly a full point closer to the theoretical target of '20'. Realize your opponent has already left an hour ago. Resume musing. Noah Misch, aka 'Walid': Cast Impulse, looking for a card to make your Hermit Druid Tech actually work this game. Recite Pi past the last unannoying digit, then email Gandalf asking for deck advice on how to make Hermit Druid Tech not suck.. Go onto BD Chat and tell everyone you're committing suicide as you type, because your life really sucks and nobody cares. Trey Young, aka 'Sir Tivadar': Cast Impulse. Take the Knights of Thorn. If one of the four cards is not a Knight of Thorn, get VERY VERY annoyed and write a post in the War Mill about how all the Knights of Thorn were killed. Hang in BD Chat until you think it's time to disappear for a few months again. Patrick Wade, aka 'Ali': Cast Impulse. Offer Gandalf your soul in return for superior deck-tech; have Gandalf give your soul to Livonya as a token of his affections. Break your wrist while shuffling your library... then cry at the sick, sad world of irony when you learn Impulse was errata'ed to remove the shuffle effect. An addendum: To the "Impulse Like A Great Necker!" or whatever it was called, by Toby Wachter: Adam Schepp, which is really just Shep because annoying people don't deserve names: Cast Impulse. Choose one of the four fourteen-year-old girls at random (It doesn't matter, she's going to dump your ass anyway). Spend two weeks trying to get the randomly-chosen girl to have sex with you, then blame Sean (aka the aforementioned 'Gandalf') saying that "he made her dump me". Get a warning from the judge for "disagreeing with reality". --Sean McKeown --Gandalf@BDominia.com Dogbert's Minister of Uselessly Useless Information Mennenite on IRC Self-Proclaimed, "The Suckiest Suck That Ever Sucked A Suck"