Subject: regionals report Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 00:44:31 -0400 (EDT) From: jjb11@cornell.edu To: Frank Kusumoto Report on Northeast Regionals It was the Weekend of the Man. For those of you who don't know who the Man is, pay attention, because you are probably working for him. Read "A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorraine Hansberry for a literary reference; basically, the Man's purpose is in keeping us down, minimizing the amount of pleasure in the general population. He's behind all the shit on "The X-Files," as well as things like New Coke, combining Lincoln's birthday and Washington's birthday into President's Day (can't have too much free time, now can we?) and the popularity of Jim Carrey. Luckily, there are a select few who have dedicated their lives to fighting the Man and all he stands for. Bob Marley is the most famous, but everyday people can, as well. What does all this have to do with Magic? My entire weekend was subverted by the Man, beginning with the fact that I was in range of 4 regionals, but all were at least five hours away. The Man can't have too much Magic going on for too many people. Add to that an untimely flat tire, and getting into New York City at five am (instead of the planned-on 10pm the previous night). Needless to say, we had zero time for playtesting or adjustments immediately prior to the tourney, in addition to having just 3 hours of sleep. Luckily, we were able to crash at the pad of Scott McCord, a high-school chum and fellow warrior against the Man. I was playing a mono-black deck that Binh Pham and I had been working on for the past couple of weeks. It is simply amazing against the entire field, with the possible exception of white weenie. Since we are playing on opposite coasts, we had different experiences with WW - he wasn't afraid, since the Costa Mesa crowd was shy on WW; I was deathly afraid, but somewhat soothed by sideboard possibilities and Scott informing me that there was very little WW atg Neutral Ground immediately preceeding the tourney. Cool. In Phamily tradition, we dubbed the deck "Obla-Di, Obla-Da," because with disco gnomes and 4 drain life, bra-la how the life goes on. Anyway, my first match is a breeze - I'm playing against a Donais 5CU deck, and our metagame choice to go with land destruction is right on the money as I see 6 LD cards in the second game. My opponent never had a chance. This is how the Man works: he gets your hopes up, and then makes you understand who runs the world. The next match is against white weenie. The first game is actually fairly close - I only need a ritual to win, but don't draw it. I side in nine cards (2 dreads, 2 living death, 3 coercion, 2 edict) and prepare to go the distance. Next game, 11 lands, three spells. one of which I cast twice. I lose horribly, hearing the Man's mocking laughter in my ears. Then, the Man decided to make it official by not only giving me another WW deck to spar with, but also granting me a second game in a row with more lands than spells. I manage to draw the second game with a massive crypt rat onslaught, but he tools me with three orders the following game. I am now officially out, but I have immense faith in this deck - it was built to beat red and anything using more than 2 colors, and i am determined to leave with a winning record. Unfortunately, the next round is the worst Magic I have ever seen. My opponent is playing with the strong combo rootwater diver/bottle gnomes. He doesn't understand the timing on counterspells. He main decks healing salve. STRONG. The worst part is, he beats me two nothing, because he also apparently main decks karma. After I die in the second game, he says, "I was about to boomerang your land." I wanted to explain to him that I WANTED him to boomerang my land, but figured it wasn't really worth it. After the match, when I have had time to process everything, I ask Tony to check the guy's decklist, and it turns out he doesn't have Karma in the main deck. Unfortunately for me, this means he still gets the win, but receives a game loss in his next match and must play his firts game unsideboarded. Interestingly enough, this just screws me more, but I guess the Man had to get in one last good kick. And you thought that rulings were just lame on purpose. If the Man can't stop Magic, he can at least make its rulings blow. I still refuse to allow the Man to win. I play on, aiming for a 4-3 record to salvage my dignity. To make a long story short, I work the next three opponents, one blue/green wall of blossoms/impulse thing, one red/green (all green creatures - I allowed my friend Mr. Perish to escort him to the door), and one mono blue which I DESTROYED. My friend, Mr. Jon D'Silva, whose only other sanctioned event has been the Cherry Hill PTNY qual, went 3-2 and dropped with a mono red. I was extremely happy for him, although his final opponent was the biggest dick I have ever seen. After the match, which Jon wins, Jon extends his hand, and the guy refuses it. I ask him why he won't shake, and he says, "when he builds a deck, I'll shake his hand." If you read this, I hope you realize how much of an idiot you made out of yourself. Maybe you should play something your level of maturity would mesh more closely with, like Chutes and Ladders, where everyone can be a winner. My other friend, Scott McCord, warrior against the Man, was in it until the final round. He was playing a three color white deck and killing everyone. His last match was against mono red, and it went three games, with the final game ending in a crazy draw for the red deck: 3 mogg flunkies, fireslinger, ball lightning, fireblast. Here's the really shitty part: the guy who beat him had only been playing Magic for six days. I think there's something seriously wrong when the northeast is represented at nationals by someone who could theoretically have seen "Deep Impact", then gone out and bought his first starter deck. Don't get me wrong: he seemed like a nice enough guy, and I think it's great that he did well, but how much luck has to be involved in order for him to beat SEVERAL seasoned players with good decks? Too much, in my opinion. Anyway, here's some insights from the experience: 1. Crypt Rats are AMAZING!!!!!! They hose weenie AND control. The only thing I ever sided them out against was soltari monk, white knight, en-kor. I won no less than four games just because of them. 2. Green is as shitty as ever. Too much green, and it is too vulnerable to perish. Add too many colors, and land destruction kills it. Leave the green cards at home, kids. 3. Type two is a mono color dominated field. With wastelands in almost every deck and so many LD spells available, the only rainbow decks that can really compete are the quick combo decks, like bloom. 4. The Donais deck is like sex in the snow: it sounds like it might be really cool, but there are too many practical barriers to its ultimate success. 5. Mike Flores is fun to watch, whether he wins or loses. 6. The Hermit deck is a piece of shit. "Obla-Di, Obla-Da" 1 crovax the cursed 2 crypt rats 2 nekrataal 2 skyshroud vampires 4 black knights 4 dauthi slayer 4 bottle gnomes 2 corpse dance 3 disk 3 dark ritual 3 necropotence 3 rain of tears 4 drain life 4 wasteland 1 volrath's stronghold 1 quicksand 17 swamp SB: 2 choking sands 2 crypt rats 2 living death 2 diabolic edict 2 dread of night 2 perish 3 coercion Props: My friend Herr McCord, who battled the Man all day long, then went home and spent a night of hard livin' playing Squish. Jon D'Silva, who makes me think there might be a possibility that Magic won't just disappear. Slops: That fool who wouldn't shake Jon's hand. Time to move out of your mom's basement, take off the cape, and join the real world of mature adults. The Man. We know you're out there, and we're going to keep sticking it to you. Later on, Joseph Beck jjb11@cornell.edu