Subject: I can't take anymore! Date: Wed, 2 Sep 1998 15:58:21 -0500 (CDT) From: Jacob S Chen To: fkusumot@ix.netcom.com There are too many posts about this whole Gabriele affair already, and I'm sure people are wasting too much time composing posts on their own opinion of such things that no one really cares about. Thus they are using time to do something that isn't really even appreciated. In the best interest of our society, I've written a fill-in-the-blank post for those who want to express themselves. This way, they save time and benefit our global society in better ways with their saved time. This post isn't intended to offend anyway. I don't have anything against anyone, though I do say whatever I want shamelessly to advance my own humor. If you get offended from that, you can blow me. (That's to anyone who gets offended, not you, Frank.) I don't hate anyone, and this email isn't intended to hate anyone, just laugh at them. On that note, here's my contribution to time-saving posts. Dear... __ Frank, __ Dojo readers, __ damnable Americans, __ Italian cheaters, __ world, I'm writing this letter.... __ to voice my opinion (unique, shaped by my life experiences) on the topic of cheating. __ to justify the immaculate, incorruptible, and otherwise praiseworthy playing of our national hero (hail Mussolini). __ to vent my rage at... __ losing to a cheater. __ being a cheater. __ society. __ to kiss someone's ass... __ DCI __ All our level IV and V judges __ Oompa __ Elvish Ranger (f) __ with my sister's AOL account. It'll B short because she wantz 2 chat. I'm... __ some random guy who doesn't know what a Pro Tour point is. __ an Italian. __ an Italian who doesn't eat pizza. __ an American, and damn proud of hating Italians. __ Mike Long (I feel for you, brotha'). __ still venting my rage. __ not sure why there are so many articles on the Dojo about Italy. __ a level 2 judge somewhere, and that unique qualification makes me able to know lots about cheating. __ not afraid to jump!!!!!!!! This letter was prompted by the... __ whole Gabriele Pisicchio affair at worlds. __ whole Gabriele Pisicchio affair at worlds. __ whole Gabriele Pisicchio affair at worlds. __ whole Gabriele Pisicchio affair at worlds. __ propaganda Cathy N wrote when I didn't have 2 mana untapped. Incidentally, she is... __ what the DCI really needs. __ my girlfriend. __ my ex-girlfriend. __ my hero! Go Cathy N, defender of the righteous! Down with cheater: _______________ (Name one from her list)!!!! __ bad donut I ate at the office this morning. I... __ hate Italians. __ hate Americans for hating Italians. __ hate Italians for hating Americans, thinking they hate Italians. __ don't know where Italy is. But I have played t2 at my local shop and we have cheaters here who don't know what cards are t2 legal!!!!!!!!! __ have played against Gabriele Pisicchio... __ and he told me to write to the Dojo. I don't know why. __ and damn, I wish I'd known he was cheating against me. I would have made top 8! __ at our local t2 tourneys in Rome. He's a great guy, and I say again, our best, he would never cheat, great guy, framed, weird shuffle, not his fault, WHAT IN THE WORLD SOME UNFAIR, screw DCI! oops that slipped out sorry why don't you go and BAN ME TOO oops again, I like DCI I really do. Go Italy. __ and he's a great player, I never saw him do anything wrong, never saw him do a weird shuffle, never once noticed anything at all I (or anyone else) would call suspicious. He was really nice (well, I didn't actually know what he was saying), and gave my seeing eye dog a biscuit. __ and he was arrested by the DCI before he ever got to say a word. __ have never played against Gabriele Pisicchio. What am I doing here? __ visited Europe once? The DCI is an association of... __ honor, love, and consistent rules enforcement. __ Nazis. __ Fascists. __ hypocrites. __ losers with nothing better to do than do deck checks. __ Cold-hearted axe-murderers. __ All of the above __ None of the above __ I don't know I'm sorry, ... __ I didn't really mean that. __ please don't ban me. __ I haven't taken my medication. __ Italians don't deserve my teen angst. __ I'm laughing too hard after picking the first answer from the previous question. My philosophy on cheating, cheaters, crime, and consequences is (please limit your answer to the space provided)... __ Yes. __ No. __ Other: __________. Having written my gripe, I'm sorry to have wasted your... __ time. __ money. __ bandwidth. __ hopes that this email would be different from others. __ pet dog. (I still have the tail) I will spend the remainder of my life... __ playing fairly and teaching new players in my spare time. __ in indentured service atoning for my grievous sin against the holy DCI. __ dodging the Mafia _and_ the DCI. __ journeying across the world playing non-sanctioned games of Unglued. __ improving my English. __ hating Italians but liking pizza. __ with my hair dyed blue. __ reading these accursed Dojo articles from people who beat dead horses. Goodbye for now, and I'll see you... __ at PT:Rome. __ at PTQ:Rome. __ when I write another repetitious article on the Dojo. __ after my sister's done with her AOL cybersex. __ whenever you come through the Podunkville, USA t2 tournament. __ between my fingers. I'm squishing your head! Signed, _______________________________ (Your name here, dolt)